This is brilliant. Brilliant. I can feel the care and empathy radiating from this piece like the early morning September sun. I can feel the truth of this in my own world of insufficient empathy and care for those who don't share my "evolved" views of the politics of this time. Contempt is everywhere, ready to burst into flame on every street corner, at every dining table. I was one of those couples therapists. For years, I waded into deep currents of contempt and tried to change the dynamic with empathy and deep understanding of the other. It worked. I watched shoulders relax, bodies soften, love return. It was divine work. People came to me for help and I was there. But there is no one knocking on my door now. I believe care is the one thing that I can offer right now to this moment of burning. But I confess, I don't know how to spread that care far or wide enough. I must reach beyond my circles into circles where I would find discomfort and disagreement and my own contempt would rise. How to do this? Where to do this? I don't see a clear path for myself. No shingle to hang out. But your piece helps me so much to confirm that this is the work ahead that counts. Thank you.
Thank you for working to help all those couples over the years. I wish I had had you as a couple counselor during the seven years of my failed attempt to have a marriage work. But your point, I think a national togetherness movement is desperately needed to counter The effort by organizations like Fox News to divide us permanently into separate camps. Many years ago, all of America held hands coast to coast in an event called “Hands Across America“. If I could wave a magic wand, I would organize a sequel event called “Hands Aacross America with Love”
Here’s a news report about the original 1986 event…
Thank you so much for this. Our societal forest is parched and brittle, and this toss of a lit cigarette of assassination is terrifying. Thank you for continuing to be a bit of rain that nourishes. Your wise, calm guidance is vital as we try to navigate the chaos and fear.
Let us not, in this moment, whitewash or sanewash the anti-liberal democracy ideas that have sprouted up in the last 10 years. The answer to heinous ideas is not violence, it is persuasion as you say. Too, for all of the people "erased," harmed -- disappeared, fired, incarcerated, killed by a regime that is undermining democratic norms at every turn, this is not simply a public square debate.
Let us not sanctify what Kirk was preaching while we mourn and denounce his assassination. To do lionize him, is to lay the fertile ground for our very own Reichstag moment, seems to me. Listen to POTUS from the oval last night -- did he mention one political act of violence against Democratic political figures? Put your guard up, you purveyors of democracy, now is not the time to wax philosophical. Now is the time to keep your heart AND eyes open and refine your discernment skills, IMHO. I know I am. Highly recommend Democracy Now!'s show this morning to get us back to vigilance.
Thank you Anand. No one deserves to be murdered just because their opinions are different than yours. I disagreed with Charlie Kirk’s views on everything, but he did not deserve this.
Thanks very much for this. I was really shaken when I learned of Charlie Kirk’s murder, even though I’ve been appalled by his public pronouncements.
“Civic contempt” nails it, I think, and it pollutes our public life as well as our personal lives. The only ways back from the abyss that I can think of are the twin paths of civic/civil engagement, and the daily practice of kindness. I also pray.
"is built on the idea that the way to change the world around you is to try to change others’ minds." But what if they're thinking the same thing about us? What if they don't want their minds changed, or we don't?
You don’t try to change people who don’t want to change. Cult members don’t want to change. But what you can do is organize those who do want change to tell a new story of what kind of future we can have that counters the future being offered by people like Trump.
This is innovation theory 101. When the alternative eventually becomes well enough known and is so popular that it attracts more and more people, eventually those who live in a world of hate will not be able to ignore that they have been given a chance to choose another way. And even if they remain hateful they will be marginalized (as Dr King did for a brief period of time during which the Civil Rights Act was passed).
I would like to hear more about this. Who wants to change their minds and why? Or do they not know they want to change until they see something that attracts them, which is what I think you're talking about. So, what's the vision and why is it compelling? (I'm not challenging you, Steve. I'm just trying to figure this stuff out. Anand says this can happen, so how?)
Charlie Kirk advocated for his listeners to bail out the man who beat Paul Pelosi over the head with a hammer. He made light of that attack. What exactly should I do with this? We cannot whitewash Charlie Kirk. We can spout platitudes till the cows come home- it will not change a thing. What will is holding people accountable for their actions & their words. Which, since the get go in this country we have not. Or barely. So before we have another assassination or bout of political violence- let's us start holding people accountable. Lord knows Trump isn't the man for the job.
Listening to MSNBC canonize someone that spread hate and lies all around the country is demoralizing & this is not a simple differing of opinions! I have lived for the last 10 years trying to find common ground with people who hate me. Or people who I find morally offensive. I had to explain to my son, niece and nephew last year why it was terrible someone tried to assassinate Trump. Even though we are all well aware of what a destructive person he is. I compartmentalize constantly. We are constantly being asked to gaslight ourselves.
You think I don't practice what you wrote every single day? It seems to me that no one in Trumps orbit or that administration seems to care that I live here too.
I am sorry for Charlie's family- I arbore his politics, his lies and his beliefs. He should not have been shot. I am sorry for what is certain to follow.
It is worth remembering that Kyle Rittenhouse, who killed two and wounded one protester in Kenosha, Wisconsin in 2020 was greeted as a hero by Turning Point, who sponsored him as a college speaker. So no one's hands are clean. No saints are present. The greatest danger is how the Trump administration will turn a tragedy into a political opportunity to really go nuts. Watch your back, everybody. A bad moon is rising.
Thank you for this. I'm sharing it. One of the student shot in Evergreen, CO, has died. Where is the outrage for this? Beware. Trump is already using this murder to ramp up attacks on our rights.
Some years ago I collaborated on a book called “The Worm at the Core” authored by 2 social scientists. The argument: we are drowning in reminders of mortality, from the moment we turn on the news in the morning to the movies we watch at night. That death anxiety gets repressed and comes out in unhealthy ways, including what you are describing here. The primary author, Sheldon Solomon, described how death anxiety drives people into Trump's arms: https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/cross-check/do-voters-adore-trump-because-they-dread-death/
Understanding the behavior of a single person, perhaps especially understanding any act of violence, is always challenging. There are of course the personal choices and decisions but to see the actor as "idiosyncratic" is to risk Fundamental Attribution Error, which is to understate the impact of environmental and social factors on a person's behavior.
With blatant, undisguised authoritarianism destroying America's upper middle class fantasy world, "our democracy" being under attack is an annoying meme. Annoying because that story is fictional in so many ways it's hard to know where to begin. But let's start with "democracy." First, democracy is a tool for distributing political power, not a belief system. Second, the American Constitution did not enfranchise any kind of democracy, it empowered a rich, white, ex-colonial aristocracy. Yes, the franchise slowly and reluctantly expanded suffrage but each expansion has been contained with restrictions and countered with structural regulations. It has been said that we had a "representative democracy." To which I say; what was actually represented? And the answer is wealth. Underneath all the trappings, the core of American political power has always been in the hands of rich, white, men. Our current administration isn't changing the Constitution, they are making plain what it has always been. And they are doing it, as our government always has, with violence.
Violence is woven deeply into the fabric of America. And, like everything in America, it has been commercialized. Follow the money. Hollywood's heartbeat is violence. We have by far the biggest military industrial complex, the largest arsenal in private hands and the biggest export industry of armaments and training in the world. To say that "violence achieves nothing" is to be trapped in a framework of wishful thinking! American violence is, and always has been, a massive force at home and abroad. Face it! Look at it! Analyze it! But get real and truly understand it! Dismantling it will take nothing less.
Anand, thank you for your beautiful analysis that tethers each of our hearts and souls to these national tragedies with such tender humanity. 'Contempt' is truly one of the basic roots of 'otherness' and yes, it's hard enough for a family to decide together what to have for dinner which in that familial context makes our Democracy such a breathtakingly splendid endeavor!!
Buddhist philosophy is my guide. It is one of the few “ideologies” that resonates with me. And I see it in bits and pieces in Anand’s 1-10. Philosophy aside, I can read #6 through the lens of us being told that we should not look for a leader to counter MAGA. That the cavalry is not coming, resistance must be people led as Democrats are milquetoast, that the greatest revolutions are amorphous gatherings of people rising up. But this route is prone to be bloody. I don’t want a French Revolution. But I do want a “people powered leader”.
This is brilliant. Brilliant. I can feel the care and empathy radiating from this piece like the early morning September sun. I can feel the truth of this in my own world of insufficient empathy and care for those who don't share my "evolved" views of the politics of this time. Contempt is everywhere, ready to burst into flame on every street corner, at every dining table. I was one of those couples therapists. For years, I waded into deep currents of contempt and tried to change the dynamic with empathy and deep understanding of the other. It worked. I watched shoulders relax, bodies soften, love return. It was divine work. People came to me for help and I was there. But there is no one knocking on my door now. I believe care is the one thing that I can offer right now to this moment of burning. But I confess, I don't know how to spread that care far or wide enough. I must reach beyond my circles into circles where I would find discomfort and disagreement and my own contempt would rise. How to do this? Where to do this? I don't see a clear path for myself. No shingle to hang out. But your piece helps me so much to confirm that this is the work ahead that counts. Thank you.
Thank you for working to help all those couples over the years. I wish I had had you as a couple counselor during the seven years of my failed attempt to have a marriage work. But your point, I think a national togetherness movement is desperately needed to counter The effort by organizations like Fox News to divide us permanently into separate camps. Many years ago, all of America held hands coast to coast in an event called “Hands Across America“. If I could wave a magic wand, I would organize a sequel event called “Hands Aacross America with Love”
Here’s a news report about the original 1986 event…
https://youtu.be/YnA0uYL4YtI?si=8aClfvCJjsTXEUnM
Thank you so much for this. Our societal forest is parched and brittle, and this toss of a lit cigarette of assassination is terrifying. Thank you for continuing to be a bit of rain that nourishes. Your wise, calm guidance is vital as we try to navigate the chaos and fear.
Let us not, in this moment, whitewash or sanewash the anti-liberal democracy ideas that have sprouted up in the last 10 years. The answer to heinous ideas is not violence, it is persuasion as you say. Too, for all of the people "erased," harmed -- disappeared, fired, incarcerated, killed by a regime that is undermining democratic norms at every turn, this is not simply a public square debate.
Let us not sanctify what Kirk was preaching while we mourn and denounce his assassination. To do lionize him, is to lay the fertile ground for our very own Reichstag moment, seems to me. Listen to POTUS from the oval last night -- did he mention one political act of violence against Democratic political figures? Put your guard up, you purveyors of democracy, now is not the time to wax philosophical. Now is the time to keep your heart AND eyes open and refine your discernment skills, IMHO. I know I am. Highly recommend Democracy Now!'s show this morning to get us back to vigilance.
I agree! Let's not pretend that Charlie Kirk wasn't committing and triggering violence with his words every single day.
Thank you Anand. No one deserves to be murdered just because their opinions are different than yours. I disagreed with Charlie Kirk’s views on everything, but he did not deserve this.
Thanks very much for this. I was really shaken when I learned of Charlie Kirk’s murder, even though I’ve been appalled by his public pronouncements.
“Civic contempt” nails it, I think, and it pollutes our public life as well as our personal lives. The only ways back from the abyss that I can think of are the twin paths of civic/civil engagement, and the daily practice of kindness. I also pray.
"is built on the idea that the way to change the world around you is to try to change others’ minds." But what if they're thinking the same thing about us? What if they don't want their minds changed, or we don't?
You don’t try to change people who don’t want to change. Cult members don’t want to change. But what you can do is organize those who do want change to tell a new story of what kind of future we can have that counters the future being offered by people like Trump.
This is innovation theory 101. When the alternative eventually becomes well enough known and is so popular that it attracts more and more people, eventually those who live in a world of hate will not be able to ignore that they have been given a chance to choose another way. And even if they remain hateful they will be marginalized (as Dr King did for a brief period of time during which the Civil Rights Act was passed).
Exactly!!
I would like to hear more about this. Who wants to change their minds and why? Or do they not know they want to change until they see something that attracts them, which is what I think you're talking about. So, what's the vision and why is it compelling? (I'm not challenging you, Steve. I'm just trying to figure this stuff out. Anand says this can happen, so how?)
We are told daily that ruby red MAGA will never change their mind.
This is my take...
Charlie Kirk advocated for his listeners to bail out the man who beat Paul Pelosi over the head with a hammer. He made light of that attack. What exactly should I do with this? We cannot whitewash Charlie Kirk. We can spout platitudes till the cows come home- it will not change a thing. What will is holding people accountable for their actions & their words. Which, since the get go in this country we have not. Or barely. So before we have another assassination or bout of political violence- let's us start holding people accountable. Lord knows Trump isn't the man for the job.
Listening to MSNBC canonize someone that spread hate and lies all around the country is demoralizing & this is not a simple differing of opinions! I have lived for the last 10 years trying to find common ground with people who hate me. Or people who I find morally offensive. I had to explain to my son, niece and nephew last year why it was terrible someone tried to assassinate Trump. Even though we are all well aware of what a destructive person he is. I compartmentalize constantly. We are constantly being asked to gaslight ourselves.
You think I don't practice what you wrote every single day? It seems to me that no one in Trumps orbit or that administration seems to care that I live here too.
I am sorry for Charlie's family- I arbore his politics, his lies and his beliefs. He should not have been shot. I am sorry for what is certain to follow.
It is worth remembering that Kyle Rittenhouse, who killed two and wounded one protester in Kenosha, Wisconsin in 2020 was greeted as a hero by Turning Point, who sponsored him as a college speaker. So no one's hands are clean. No saints are present. The greatest danger is how the Trump administration will turn a tragedy into a political opportunity to really go nuts. Watch your back, everybody. A bad moon is rising.
Thank you for this. I'm sharing it. One of the student shot in Evergreen, CO, has died. Where is the outrage for this? Beware. Trump is already using this murder to ramp up attacks on our rights.
Some years ago I collaborated on a book called “The Worm at the Core” authored by 2 social scientists. The argument: we are drowning in reminders of mortality, from the moment we turn on the news in the morning to the movies we watch at night. That death anxiety gets repressed and comes out in unhealthy ways, including what you are describing here. The primary author, Sheldon Solomon, described how death anxiety drives people into Trump's arms: https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/cross-check/do-voters-adore-trump-because-they-dread-death/
Understanding the behavior of a single person, perhaps especially understanding any act of violence, is always challenging. There are of course the personal choices and decisions but to see the actor as "idiosyncratic" is to risk Fundamental Attribution Error, which is to understate the impact of environmental and social factors on a person's behavior.
With blatant, undisguised authoritarianism destroying America's upper middle class fantasy world, "our democracy" being under attack is an annoying meme. Annoying because that story is fictional in so many ways it's hard to know where to begin. But let's start with "democracy." First, democracy is a tool for distributing political power, not a belief system. Second, the American Constitution did not enfranchise any kind of democracy, it empowered a rich, white, ex-colonial aristocracy. Yes, the franchise slowly and reluctantly expanded suffrage but each expansion has been contained with restrictions and countered with structural regulations. It has been said that we had a "representative democracy." To which I say; what was actually represented? And the answer is wealth. Underneath all the trappings, the core of American political power has always been in the hands of rich, white, men. Our current administration isn't changing the Constitution, they are making plain what it has always been. And they are doing it, as our government always has, with violence.
Violence is woven deeply into the fabric of America. And, like everything in America, it has been commercialized. Follow the money. Hollywood's heartbeat is violence. We have by far the biggest military industrial complex, the largest arsenal in private hands and the biggest export industry of armaments and training in the world. To say that "violence achieves nothing" is to be trapped in a framework of wishful thinking! American violence is, and always has been, a massive force at home and abroad. Face it! Look at it! Analyze it! But get real and truly understand it! Dismantling it will take nothing less.
Anand, thank you for your beautiful analysis that tethers each of our hearts and souls to these national tragedies with such tender humanity. 'Contempt' is truly one of the basic roots of 'otherness' and yes, it's hard enough for a family to decide together what to have for dinner which in that familial context makes our Democracy such a breathtakingly splendid endeavor!!
Thank for your perspective, this speaks the truth to me.
To create social change we must first change ourselves, our perceptions, biases, opinions, and beliefs about others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDOrzF7B2Kg BOATLIFT, An Untold Tale of 9/11 Resilience
Buddhist philosophy is my guide. It is one of the few “ideologies” that resonates with me. And I see it in bits and pieces in Anand’s 1-10. Philosophy aside, I can read #6 through the lens of us being told that we should not look for a leader to counter MAGA. That the cavalry is not coming, resistance must be people led as Democrats are milquetoast, that the greatest revolutions are amorphous gatherings of people rising up. But this route is prone to be bloody. I don’t want a French Revolution. But I do want a “people powered leader”.