I appreciate your compassion for the startling cultural changes confronting men. Change is hard. Even humiliating. The Greek word for repentance can be translated "think of a new way." As I spent decades working to overcome personal misconceptions, new behaviors felt uncomfortable. Losing entitlement feels like oppression, when actually it is good for everyone.
I dare to share a song, River of Tears:
"If you harden, dam up the river / Don't let the water flow
You'll never find the secret places / Where the river goes
So let the river flow through you / Move with its bend
Some days will be wide and warm / But those days will end
The river flows deep and narrow / Swift and cold
Plunge into the moving current / Let the river flow"
May we let the future take us to the beautiful secret places.
Great piece, love this line "We are dude-bro-ing our way into democratic death". Regardless of outcome, we have a lot of work to do in the years to come. I am hopeful that the rage felt by women like myself and our daughters when looking at rights stripped away combined with the unveiling of the ever present sexism, pushes the vote over the top for Harris Waltz ticket.
Climate change alone calls out to men everywhere. We must rebuild the entire energy infrastructure of our nation, yesterday if possible, and the stakes are nothing short of a livable climate for our children. That sounds like a job for real men. Stop cowering in the past guys, roll your sleeves up, and get to work dammit. We need you.
Is closet-misogyny a factor, as well? There are men, including first-generation men, who will not vote for a woman. I have had conversations with some indian-Americans who will not vote for Kamala due to Misogyny (they will not openly admit to it). Furthermore, Modi and Trump like each other which may also be a factor. Hilary had other challenges in 2016, due to third party candidacy and some of Bernie’s supporters voting for Trump, but misogyny may have added to here defeat. Your prescription about what Kamala and Walz should do, may not be sufficient to overcome misogyny, amongst some males who will vote for Trump, even if they end up cutting their noses to spite their faces.
I don't disagree with your premise but I also don't understand what you want everyone to do. The problems that many men exhibit have been going on for centuries. Women and Black people and Brown people have been treated like property, by men around the world, forever. Men run civilizations, cultures, countries (for the most part), economies, religions and the work place. The Republican Party is nodding its collective Borg hive at Trump and Vance's words and behaviors because they don't care. I grew up with four brothers in a neighborhood with three boys living in the home behind us and another three boys in the home across the street. There were no other girls on our block until I was in seventh grade. This was an Irish-American household (I'm 72) so my brothers fought emotionally, verbally and physically to get what they wanted and I learned to survive - when to fight back, when to use other tactics, and when to retreat. My father, on multiple occasions, told me that if I'd only been born a male he'd have had a perfect record. I attended grade school, high school and college in the days when teachers called on boys and men for answers. I saw my escape through education and earned a BA, MBA and PhD with a specialty in tax accounting. Every time I accomplished a major goal I was told by some man that I must have slept my way to success or that DEI was the reason for that accomplishment. Accounting was a male dominated field, as was academia for many years. I had to aggressively fight for tenure and promotion (twice) because of the attitudes of some of the male faculty members. I'm an introvert and I'm on the autism spectrum and I married two men who became abusive, verbally, emotionally and physically. I divorced both of them. I've just listed a few of the things I've lived through and I know that I'm not an anomaly. I'm aware that because I am a white woman with a high-paying career (I'm retired now), what I've lived through is not as bad as a lot of women, especially women of color. I've spent a lifetime dealing with the patriarchy and misogyny so, I'm sorry, I don't believe that if we just "listen" to disaffected men, especially young men, we'll solve their problems. I'm not looking for any sort of revenge (it's a wasteful, unproductive emotion) but I am so very tired of being asked to constantly prove my worth to the men who run the world. I believe that every woman identified with VP Harris as Brett Baier tried to prevent her from speaking. JD Vance is not the first man who openly demeans women. I think it's past time for the men who don't feel this way, and there are many (I know some of these men), to openly challenge the status quo. Do you think that if women were just more understanding of the patriarchy and misogyny, that would change things? The men who we need to change do not recognize empathy as a good thing; they see it as a weakness to exploit. There are many men who are providing a different model of what it means to be a man and yet, as you've stated, they don't seem to be making inroads into this problem. This problem certainly isn't going to be mended in the next two weeks; it's a generational thing. The message is clear: Hey, the world is changing and instead of being on the top of the ladder with all the other men, you have to move over and allow women and Black and Brown people on the top of the ladder. I don't think being understanding of their resistance will change things. I do think there needs to be a concerted effort to teach men, and to provide examples and mentors to men, that resorting to any type of violence to get what they want is not acceptable. Look to how far too many police officers and men in the military around the world behave when they have power and authority. This is what needs to stop. There's also no mention of personal accountability. Yes, the world is changing as it always does because we live in a dynamic environment, not a static one. The world changes for everyone, and we need to do a better job of talking about these changes collectively and how to deal with them, but we also need to emphasize that we're not going back. I don't believe Trump will win but, even if he does, we're not going back.
I do think that a lot of liberals' attitude toward those that are uncomfortable with change has been to shame, and I think that's an incorrect approach. I was brought up in a liberal environment but I still had to work at becoming comfortable around around gay people, around trans people, around Black people. Once I achieved a greater level of comfort, for me to turn around and shame others for not being where I am seems so wrong-headed. We have to figure out a way to acknowledge the fear and discomfort and to help people through it. Shaming people into silence leaves them ripe for a charlatan like Trump, who can convince people their discomfort is some kind of moral strength.
Another brilliant piece by Anand! While he drives home the essential challenge we have in reaching men, the broader electorate is also in need of a closing argument that tells the story with them as a human being that needs to be seen and heard. The storytelling part of getting to the affective and not just the cognitive domain is a constant beyond the closing argument of a campaign, as constant as the air we breath. The media, political figures, and all in the broader society must grasp the power of storytelling to help our democracy thrive.
Great piece. So fascinating in many ways, that some men are now experiencing the life I and so many others led, and don't like it.
That said, Pres Obama has been hammering that message as a surrogate for Kamala. Every time he speaks and to huge crowds he gets a ton of press but whether it's him or Kamala, it's falling on deaf ears to this group of men. He's brilliant on the topic of what a really man looks like. Tim Walz as well.
This essay is just right for our time. Add Modi to the autocrats Putin, Orban, Kim et al admired by tfg. As Kamala said recently, the bully or would-be dictator thrives on beating people down, but a dedicated public servant lives to lift up those in need. Who will embrace the devotees who drink the Kool-Aid of mysogyny, xenophobia and self-pity, gently to lift them up to reasonableness?
Such a clear-eyed assessment of where we are. I fear, and somehow still cannot succumb to the belief -truth? - that the majority of men in this country are “dude-bro-ing” our way to a Trump win. I really hope not.
This is key "Saving the country from tyranny needs to become aspirational for men. Not a lecture."
I think it is similar to motivating those that serve in the police or military to change their mindset from warrior/fighting others to guardian/protecting us. Historically our culture has been flooded with images/narratives of the hero warrior, we can choose to pivot to celebratory images of guardian protectors of all. Men need to be loved, feel loved in order to aspire to protect those they love. In excluding others that don't look like them, dude-bros gain a sense of belonging that they either truly lack or perceive they lack. The long game, small threads of belonging offered by each of us can build a stronger democratic tapestry. In the short term, however, we need to flood media with images of dude-bros rejecting hate and choosing to be protectors of their entire community. Some good examples of this can be found in the popular 911 TV shows.
I appreciate your compassion for the startling cultural changes confronting men. Change is hard. Even humiliating. The Greek word for repentance can be translated "think of a new way." As I spent decades working to overcome personal misconceptions, new behaviors felt uncomfortable. Losing entitlement feels like oppression, when actually it is good for everyone.
I dare to share a song, River of Tears:
"If you harden, dam up the river / Don't let the water flow
You'll never find the secret places / Where the river goes
So let the river flow through you / Move with its bend
Some days will be wide and warm / But those days will end
The river flows deep and narrow / Swift and cold
Plunge into the moving current / Let the river flow"
May we let the future take us to the beautiful secret places.
Great piece, love this line "We are dude-bro-ing our way into democratic death". Regardless of outcome, we have a lot of work to do in the years to come. I am hopeful that the rage felt by women like myself and our daughters when looking at rights stripped away combined with the unveiling of the ever present sexism, pushes the vote over the top for Harris Waltz ticket.
Climate change alone calls out to men everywhere. We must rebuild the entire energy infrastructure of our nation, yesterday if possible, and the stakes are nothing short of a livable climate for our children. That sounds like a job for real men. Stop cowering in the past guys, roll your sleeves up, and get to work dammit. We need you.
Is closet-misogyny a factor, as well? There are men, including first-generation men, who will not vote for a woman. I have had conversations with some indian-Americans who will not vote for Kamala due to Misogyny (they will not openly admit to it). Furthermore, Modi and Trump like each other which may also be a factor. Hilary had other challenges in 2016, due to third party candidacy and some of Bernie’s supporters voting for Trump, but misogyny may have added to here defeat. Your prescription about what Kamala and Walz should do, may not be sufficient to overcome misogyny, amongst some males who will vote for Trump, even if they end up cutting their noses to spite their faces.
I don't disagree with your premise but I also don't understand what you want everyone to do. The problems that many men exhibit have been going on for centuries. Women and Black people and Brown people have been treated like property, by men around the world, forever. Men run civilizations, cultures, countries (for the most part), economies, religions and the work place. The Republican Party is nodding its collective Borg hive at Trump and Vance's words and behaviors because they don't care. I grew up with four brothers in a neighborhood with three boys living in the home behind us and another three boys in the home across the street. There were no other girls on our block until I was in seventh grade. This was an Irish-American household (I'm 72) so my brothers fought emotionally, verbally and physically to get what they wanted and I learned to survive - when to fight back, when to use other tactics, and when to retreat. My father, on multiple occasions, told me that if I'd only been born a male he'd have had a perfect record. I attended grade school, high school and college in the days when teachers called on boys and men for answers. I saw my escape through education and earned a BA, MBA and PhD with a specialty in tax accounting. Every time I accomplished a major goal I was told by some man that I must have slept my way to success or that DEI was the reason for that accomplishment. Accounting was a male dominated field, as was academia for many years. I had to aggressively fight for tenure and promotion (twice) because of the attitudes of some of the male faculty members. I'm an introvert and I'm on the autism spectrum and I married two men who became abusive, verbally, emotionally and physically. I divorced both of them. I've just listed a few of the things I've lived through and I know that I'm not an anomaly. I'm aware that because I am a white woman with a high-paying career (I'm retired now), what I've lived through is not as bad as a lot of women, especially women of color. I've spent a lifetime dealing with the patriarchy and misogyny so, I'm sorry, I don't believe that if we just "listen" to disaffected men, especially young men, we'll solve their problems. I'm not looking for any sort of revenge (it's a wasteful, unproductive emotion) but I am so very tired of being asked to constantly prove my worth to the men who run the world. I believe that every woman identified with VP Harris as Brett Baier tried to prevent her from speaking. JD Vance is not the first man who openly demeans women. I think it's past time for the men who don't feel this way, and there are many (I know some of these men), to openly challenge the status quo. Do you think that if women were just more understanding of the patriarchy and misogyny, that would change things? The men who we need to change do not recognize empathy as a good thing; they see it as a weakness to exploit. There are many men who are providing a different model of what it means to be a man and yet, as you've stated, they don't seem to be making inroads into this problem. This problem certainly isn't going to be mended in the next two weeks; it's a generational thing. The message is clear: Hey, the world is changing and instead of being on the top of the ladder with all the other men, you have to move over and allow women and Black and Brown people on the top of the ladder. I don't think being understanding of their resistance will change things. I do think there needs to be a concerted effort to teach men, and to provide examples and mentors to men, that resorting to any type of violence to get what they want is not acceptable. Look to how far too many police officers and men in the military around the world behave when they have power and authority. This is what needs to stop. There's also no mention of personal accountability. Yes, the world is changing as it always does because we live in a dynamic environment, not a static one. The world changes for everyone, and we need to do a better job of talking about these changes collectively and how to deal with them, but we also need to emphasize that we're not going back. I don't believe Trump will win but, even if he does, we're not going back.
I do think that a lot of liberals' attitude toward those that are uncomfortable with change has been to shame, and I think that's an incorrect approach. I was brought up in a liberal environment but I still had to work at becoming comfortable around around gay people, around trans people, around Black people. Once I achieved a greater level of comfort, for me to turn around and shame others for not being where I am seems so wrong-headed. We have to figure out a way to acknowledge the fear and discomfort and to help people through it. Shaming people into silence leaves them ripe for a charlatan like Trump, who can convince people their discomfort is some kind of moral strength.
Another brilliant piece by Anand! While he drives home the essential challenge we have in reaching men, the broader electorate is also in need of a closing argument that tells the story with them as a human being that needs to be seen and heard. The storytelling part of getting to the affective and not just the cognitive domain is a constant beyond the closing argument of a campaign, as constant as the air we breath. The media, political figures, and all in the broader society must grasp the power of storytelling to help our democracy thrive.
Once again, thank you Anand for articulating what I and so many women I know feel so deeply in our souls. I believe that this is the unfolding story.
Keen insights.
Well said.
Arnand's advice is a first step, namely awareness of the problem. More needs to be done in the way of concrete actions, such as
* comedy show skits that ridicule fascistis guys,
* TV script writing, advertising,
* exemplary behavior by real masculine idols,
* campaign ads by heors of sports, film, and real life
etc..
Please everyone, please add your your ideas on how to make men feel great again.
Please send this to the Harris campaign people!
Great piece. So fascinating in many ways, that some men are now experiencing the life I and so many others led, and don't like it.
That said, Pres Obama has been hammering that message as a surrogate for Kamala. Every time he speaks and to huge crowds he gets a ton of press but whether it's him or Kamala, it's falling on deaf ears to this group of men. He's brilliant on the topic of what a really man looks like. Tim Walz as well.
This essay is just right for our time. Add Modi to the autocrats Putin, Orban, Kim et al admired by tfg. As Kamala said recently, the bully or would-be dictator thrives on beating people down, but a dedicated public servant lives to lift up those in need. Who will embrace the devotees who drink the Kool-Aid of mysogyny, xenophobia and self-pity, gently to lift them up to reasonableness?
Yes yes yes yes yes.
Such a clear-eyed assessment of where we are. I fear, and somehow still cannot succumb to the belief -truth? - that the majority of men in this country are “dude-bro-ing” our way to a Trump win. I really hope not.
This is key "Saving the country from tyranny needs to become aspirational for men. Not a lecture."
I think it is similar to motivating those that serve in the police or military to change their mindset from warrior/fighting others to guardian/protecting us. Historically our culture has been flooded with images/narratives of the hero warrior, we can choose to pivot to celebratory images of guardian protectors of all. Men need to be loved, feel loved in order to aspire to protect those they love. In excluding others that don't look like them, dude-bros gain a sense of belonging that they either truly lack or perceive they lack. The long game, small threads of belonging offered by each of us can build a stronger democratic tapestry. In the short term, however, we need to flood media with images of dude-bros rejecting hate and choosing to be protectors of their entire community. Some good examples of this can be found in the popular 911 TV shows.