RIFFS: D-Day group chat leaked
Please do not share with any Nazis who live near Normandy
📅 June 3, 1944 – 11:03 PM
🟦 Ike: yo, sorry for late group txt. Brit weather guys freaking out again ⛈️ anyone got connects w mother nature??
🟢 Marshy G: Frizz check says storms likely again, sigh 🙄 prob another date shift incoming.
🟠 Brad: plz no more delays my uniform already pressed 3x this week #WrinkleWoes
⚫ H-Stim: drowning in paperwork. nxt "Top Secret" stamp i see, i'm retiring.
⚪ Frank the Journalist joined the chat
⚪ Frank the Journalist: ummm hello? wrong chat maybe?
📅 June 4, 1944 – 8:15 AM
🟣 C-Nimz: Morning from the sunny Pacific 🌴🌞 (pic attached lol sorry not sorry)
🟦 Ike: Nimz, rubbing it in huh? boots still wet from last wk here
🔴 Hap: my jacket smells like a wet dog 🐶 can we invade a dry place next time??
🟡 FDR joined the chat
🟡 FDR: Good morning everyone. who changed my profile pic to an eagle in a top hat?
🟤 JD: 😂 guilty, thought it looked patriotic sir. should I change back?
🟡 FDR: nah keep it. kinda love it actually
⚪ Frank the Journalist: hey guys, quick question, this is off record...right? (anyone?)
📅 June 4, 1944 – 9:45 AM
🟢 Marshy G: Hey Ike, are we still stuck w boring beach names like Utah/Omaha? "Beachy McBeachface" still on table?
🟦 Ike: official codenames only marshy 🤦♂️ stop trying to meme the invasion pls
🟠 Brad: btw my friend Colette in normandy is hype we're coming. plz give her this if u see her! [attached jpg: "bonjour! keep the baguettes warm!!"]
🟦 Ike: dude. priorities.
⚪ Frank the Journalist: seriously tho, am I supposed 2b here? nobody’s answering me...
📅 June 4, 1944 – 10:55 AM
⚫ H-Stim: Brits saying weather break june 6. greenlight??
🟦 Ike: yup LOCKED IN June 6. also, can we pls get some coffee that doesn’t taste burnt??
🟤 JD: got some good stuff hidden in London. price: 1 crate chocolate bars.
🔴 Hap: JD, I'd trade an entire bomber wing for decent coffee right now ☕️
🟡 FDR: side note, anyone know good tailor in London? Churchills guy ghosted me.
⚪ Frank the Journalist: hello??? my editor gonna kill me if this is classified.
📅 June 4, 1944 – 8:00 PM
🟢 Marshy G: need D-day pump-up songs! suggestions?
🔴 Hap: "boogie woogie bugle boy" slaps 🎺 [link]
🟤 JD: def slaps. great cockpit vibes.
🟠 Brad: better than "don't sit under the apple tree" been stuck in my head 24/7. radio guy humming constantly #earworm 😫
🟦 Ike: we’re planning biggest amphibious invasion in history guys maybe serious tune??
⚫ H-Stim: "battle hymn of the republic"?
🟦 Ike: fine. do both.
⚪ Frank the Journalist: still here guys...can someone remove me or??
📅 June 5, 1944 – 6:10 AM
🟦 Ike: paratroopers load tonight. last check, everyone good??
🟠 Brad: small rant pants are WAY too short. my ankles on display, troops laughing probably 😒 #GeneralFashionCrisis
🟢 Marshy G: maybe troops admire ur relatable ankles?
🟠 Brad: doubt it marshy
🟦 Ike: I'll ping quartermaster. no generals in highwaters allowed
⚪ Frank the Journalist: this silence is rlly awkward, are u ignoring me intentionally?
📅 June 6, 1944 – 6:40 AM
🟦 Ike: first wave hitting beaches now, Omaha is rough. heavy fire but pushing inland 🔥
🟠 Brad: Utah looking better. landed off-course but seems like good luck? less enemy presence
🔴 Hap: air cover up, heavy flak but fighters holding strong. Luftwaffe busy w us #dogfightime 🛩️💥
🟤 JD: pointe du hoc wild rn, rangers literally climbing cliffs under fire. screaming for coffee drops—wish i could boys ☕️😅
⚪ Frank the Journalist: uh should i sign an NDA or something?? cuz i should NOT be reading this.
📅 June 6, 1944 – 9:00 PM
🟢 Marshy G: hearing beachheads secured! guess u won't need ur “failure letter” Ike?
🟦 Ike: dont jinx it marshy. long road ahead still
🟡 FDR: proud of u all. Churchill just sang "bless 'em all" to me over phone. quite something
⚫ H-Stim: we'll get press release out once safe. morale v high here.
🟠 Brad: ankles will celebrate new pants soon. meantime, troops pushing inland!
🟣 C-Nimz: Pacific congrats 🎉 proud of you boys
⚪ Frank the Journalist: ok well im still here. should I just... quietly leave then? tap tap mic check??
You hit the nails smack on the head. Anyone notice I am here listening to your war plans? after listening to trumps response my reaction was, with no offense, Sargeant Schultz of Hogan's Heroes, I know nothing, I see nothing, I do not think I woke up this morning.
We’ve gone from having highly competent and serious people in charge to a deteriorating mess of total incompetence. I appreciated your D-DAY Chat. Humor is good and it put things in context. Can we please believe we’ll have real leaders again one day?